Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
