Do you still have your period?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
