Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
