i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
