Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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