I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
