$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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