I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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