eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
