I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
