So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
