i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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