why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
