It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
