i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
