I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
