He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
