It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
