I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
