Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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