we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
