Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
They took my balls.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
