Even the bartender felt bad for me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize