where am i from again
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
