dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
