I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
