the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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