yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
