if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
