I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
