you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
