I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize