Cold hands, warm shart.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He has the fingertips of a God
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