It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
