Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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