I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
