he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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