so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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