You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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