ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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