so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
