All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
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