Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
