after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
