Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
we should paint friendship bongs
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize