yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
