i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
