so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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