I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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