FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
