Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize