Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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