If that was your dad, he is hot
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
