I swear she didn't look like that last week.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
