If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This baby is an asshole
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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