just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
