Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize