I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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