Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
