I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
