oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
