My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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