The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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