Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
