Well apparently he's into motor boating.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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